Seventh Session: Jess

“How are you doing today, Jess?” Louis asked, patiently waiting for her answer.

She smiled. “I’m really not sure.”

“Where are your thoughts right now?”

“Just thinking that today is our last session. And I have all of these pieces of advice that you’ve given me to help me move forward. I’m just not sure how to do it.”

“Moving forward simply requires you to look at the parts of your life that are working, use those parts to establish a safe place that creates a feeling of comfort and familiarity, and devise a plan to take you were you are to where you want to be.”

“Sounds easier said than done.” She chuckled.

“Then why don’t we start by identifying your goal. What would you hope to accomplish by the end of this session?”

“To not feel broken anymore.”

“Dig deeper. What was the thing that made you feel broken?”

“It wasn’t one thing. It was a cluster of a lot of things.”

“Like what?”

“Like–feeling sad, anxious, depressed, and overwhelmed all the time.”

“If I were to go back to our initial session,” Louis said, flipping through his notes in her file until he found the notes in question. He took a moment and then returned. “Let’s see, you said that you felt a heavy sadness weighing you down. Like you were dragging yourself through life. You said that everything seemed empty and meaningless. And that you wanted to enjoy your life, but you couldn’t. Do you remember any of that?”

“Yes, I remember saying that.” Jess smiled.

“What if I asked you to simplify what you were feeling in order to create one overall statement. What would you say?”

“I would say that I deal with depression.”

“Okay, but that is a blanket statement. How can you create an overall statement that describes your depression in a way that is more personal to you?”

“Uhm, I would say that–” Jess sat quietly, pondering over the answer to his question. Finally, with a shrug of her shoulders, she chuckled. “I’m not sure.”

“Let’s go back. We compartmentalized your home, work, and social environment. Do you remember doing that?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“What was the purpose of our doing that?”

“You said that we had to divide them into three parts,” she returned.

“For what purpose?”

“To be able to look at them separately. At the time, everything seemed like it was all clustered together.”

“What were the three parts?”

“My personal life.”

“Which included what?”

”The things I do around the house, such as my chores and my interaction with my family.”

“What were the other two parts?”

“My work environment, and my social life.”

“That is correct. And then we looked at the single entity that tied them all together. Do you remember what that was?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“What was it?”

“We redefined the things I was feeling, like fear, anger, helplessness, and not feeling in control.”

“And you came up with a single sentence that embodied all of those things to identify the reason you felt broken. What was it?”

“Being bullied in school.”

“And what did we do with that realization?”

“We looked at how being bullied affected my personal life, my work environment, and my social life.”

“What happened next?”

”Uhm, we decided that there was a common thread in all three categories that resulted in the negative way in which I perceived myself.”

“You identified that common thread as your feeling vulnerable, helpless, and not in control. Is that how you would describe yourself currently?”

“Despite our sessions, I still struggle with that.”

“And the reason for that is even though you have gone through the steps to identify the thing that rendered your feelings of brokenness, we haven’t devised a game plan to help you move forward.”

“That’s what we’re doing today, right?”

“That is correct. So, if you describe yourself as feeling vulnerable, helpless, and not in control, what traits would you use to describe how you would like to feel?”

“I would say the opposite of where I am now?

“Let’s look at that. What is the definition of vulnerable?”

“Being easily hurt.”

“Okay, what about, helpless?”

“Not able to defend yourself.”

“Good job, and what about not feeling in control?”

“Not being free to make your own choices. You feel like things are always happening to you, instead of for you,” Jess said.

“Okay, what is the opposite of being easily hurt?”

“Feeling stronger emotionally and physically.”

“Since we’re looking at this from a psychological standpoint, let’s just go with feeling stronger emotionally. Can we agree on that?”

“Yes.”

“What is the opposite of feeling helpless?”

“Feeling more independent.”

“And what about not feeling in control-what’s the opposite of that?”

“When you have a say in making your own decisions.”

“Good. Now let’s combine those answers into one sentence, using the opposite of what you’re currently feeling. How would you began. Start with, I want to become–and finish that sentence.”

“Okay, I want to become stronger, more independent, and be able to make my own decisions.”

“Very good. You have just identified your goal.”

“Oh, okay.” She chuckled, “So what do I do now?”

“Let’s set a time frame for when you would like to reach your goal. Remember, if you give yourself too short a period of time, you run the risk of feeling overwhelmed because of the other things you’re trying to accomplish. On the other hand, if you give yourself too long a period of time, you run the risk of losing interest. So, given that, what do you think your time frame should be?”

“I would like to reach my goal in six months. Is that a good period of time?”

“This is your personal goal. Therefore, the time frame you decide is strictly up to you.”

“Okay, so what now?”

“Let’s talk about your dedication–your pledge for sticking to your goal. How would you exercise your level of commitment?”

“I would work really hard to achieve it.”

“Dig deeper. How would you work hard?”

“By sticking to it.”

“That’s a good way to demonstrate commitment. But one thing you’ll want to remember is that being able to commit yourself to reaching this type of goal, is recognizing the importance of having patience. You do that by understanding that this is a work in progress. Meaning, some days you’re going to feel like you can conquer the world–like everything is clicking, and falling into place. And some days–you may experience a set back that could make you want to give up. But by being patient, you will understand that what you’re feeling is normal. On the other hand, which is in complete contrast to patience, you recognize that this is a work in progress. Therefore, you will need to push yourself on days when you experience a setback to refrain from falling into a rut and eventually giving up.”

“Okay, I can see that.” Jess nodded in agreement.

“Now the only thing left is to devise a game plan.”

“How do I do that?”

“Let’s go back to what it is you’re trying to accomplish.” Louis flipped back to the page in his notes. “Let’s see you said that you wanted to be stronger emotionally, you wanted to be more independent, and you wanted to make your own decisions.”

“I know I said those things. Right now, those are just ideas that I want to stick with. But if I’m being honest, I’m not sure where I would start.”

“You would start by identifying how those ideas would be beneficial to you at home–with the things you have to accomplish around the house, for example, your chores or dealing with your family. Then ask yourself, how would those traits benefit you at work, or in a social environment? Let’s start with your housework. What is the benefit of applying those traits to the work you do at home?”

“Instead looking at it as things I don’t want to do, I could look at it as just things that need my attention. Things that would make me feel better about myself if I just did them.”

“How would you go about implementing those traits at work?”

“By just doing the work I’m expected to do and not look for approval or validation from my supervisor or my co-workers.”

“And how would you do that?”

“By doing the best I’m capable of doing.”

“What would be the benefit of that?”

“It would make me feel better about myself.”

“Okay, and how would those traits benefit your interaction with your family?”

“By not expecting them to prop me up emotionally. Again, I would put more effort into things, not for their approval, but because it would make me feel better about myself.”

“And finally, how would those traits benefit your social life?”

“By helping me to see what I bring to the table, by seeing my own value, my own self-worth. And knowing that if the person I’m with doesn’t value what I have to offer, it’s okay if I move on.”

“Why is it okay?”

“Because everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. And just because they disagree with me doesn’t mean that what I feel is any less valid.”

“Very good! I think you’re finally ready.”

“Me too.” Jess smiled. “It’s like, now that I know what I’m trying to accomplish, I can see clearly where I want to go and what it’s going to take for me to get there.”

At this, Louis smiled. “Good job, Jess.”

“Thank you, Louis.