Age 29, single, office administrator
“How are you doing today?” Louis asked.
“Okay, I guess,” Jess returned.
“You mentioned feelings of sadness and hopelessness in our last session regarding some of the things that were going on at work and how you think your family perceives you and your situation from a romantic standpoint. I asked if there was anything that may have triggered those feelings, and you stated that it was just a cluster of a lot of bad things that weren’t going right.”
“I remember.”
“I proposed the idea of you separating your work, home, and social environment—meaning it would be categorized within those three compartments. There would be no integration.”
“But aren’t things supposed to be integrated? I mean, life is messy. It all falls in there together.”
“That’s exactly my point. It’s blending together and forming one enormous block of negativity. I propose we break the block into smaller, more manageable parts.”
“But what would be the point of that? It’s all negative.”
“That is your perception of your situation. Perception is how we think or feel about something or someone based on a past experience. For example, if I had a negative experience—say, a panic attack on a roller coaster as a child, I may have a negative perception of roller coasters as an adult. Depression, on the other hand, tends to cloud our judgment, so our perception of most things is negative.”
“So, you’re saying I need to look at my environment more positively? That’s easier said than done. I’m still the same me at home, at work, on dates. I just don’t see anything positive in any of it. It’s not there.”
“I know how important it is for you to convince yourself that it’s a done deal. But I believe our perception of everyday things can be positive or negative. “
“But how does that help?”
“Take an optimistic person, for example. The difference between this person and someone less than optimistic is that the optimistic person may view their life as an opportunity to accomplish something productive or to make a positive connection with someone, and the belief that they will achieve what they set out to accomplish. “
“Things don’t always work out the way you want them to.”
“That’s very true. But when confronted with a negative outcome, optimistic people will regroup, make a new plan, and try again. A person, who is less than optimistic, may get stuck overgeneralizing by using words such as always, never, everything, or nothing in the negative sense to describe their situation. Does any of that sound familiar?”
“Yeah, I may have used a few of those words.” She smiled, as did Louis.
“Okay. I want you to try something. Let’s say I ask you to describe your home environment again without using any of those words. Could you do it?”
“I don’t remember what I said before.”
“Well, I just happened to jot it down.” He smiled, skimming through his notes in her file. “Let’s see. You said, ‘Not to mention the stuff I do at home—the laundry, the dishes, cleaning the bathroom—it never ends’. Now, give it a try.”
“Okay,” She paused with thought. “I have to do the laundry, the vacuuming, the dishes, and the bathroom. There, I did it. I even added one.” She chuckled.
“Yes, you did.” He smiled. “Good job! But do you see how you’ve changed the tone of the things that cause stress for you? By not using those words, you’re simply naming chores that need to be done.”
“I see how it sounds more positive, but it’s still not something I want to do.”
“Maybe not. But consider this. Today you seem a little more upbeat than you did last week. People, in general, experience a range of different emotions throughout the day. It all depends on what we feel at a particular moment that dictates our perception of things around us, even though our overall mood may be depressed. “
“What are you saying?”
“Something small may have triggered a happy emotion for you today that may have brought about a lighter feeling that wasn’t there last week. Now that doesn’t mean it’s enough to change your whole life, and it certainly doesn’t mean that suddenly all is right with the world. But it does mean that even in your depression, all is not lost. Some parts of your emotional well-being are functioning properly, which means some pieces can be salvaged. It depends on your perception. Would you agree?”
“Yes. I can see that.”
“So, when you feel a little more hopeful, like today, I want you to start a journal. This journal will help you put certain aspects of your life into a positive perspective. Begin by writing definitions for the words motivated and optimistic.”
“I already know what those words mean.”
“Would you use those two words to describe yourself?”
“Definitely not.” She chuckled with a shake of her head.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t feel optimistic about anything right now. And the fact that everything I try to do turns out wrong doesn’t make me motivated to keep trying.”
“That’s the reason I want you to start a journal. Being motivated is having the will or the desire to do something. Being optimistic is having a positive or confident outlook toward something or someone. You may ask yourself, what is the significance of those two words? Well, they go together. I am more motivated to do something if I am optimistic that it will turn out well. Do you see where I’m going with this?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, I’m giving you an assignment. I want you to redefine the words motivated and optimistic. Describe what these words mean to you when you look at the situation within your home, work, or social environment. There had to have been a time when your family had something positive to say on your behalf. Could that have been your reason for saying that you like your family for the people they are with a resounding, ‘Yeah, of course’? There had to have been times when you performed a task at work, and your supervisor was pleased. Did that moment bolster your confidence that you are a capable employee?”
“Maybe a few times.”
“What about the guy that you mentioned? There must have been some positive moments shared between you for you to label it as a relationship. It couldn’t have been all bad. Could you be motivated to keep trying and be optimistic that new outcomes could be as positive as the ones you’ve had before? Write a few pages describing in detail those moments you’ve experienced where things worked out in your favor. Describe how those favorable outcomes made you feel.”
“Is this something I have to show you when I’m done?”
“These journal entries are for you to refer to when you feel less than optimistic. Our brains tend to hang on to the negatives more than the positives. This journal will help you to see that the things that appear as negatives in your life are just things that need your attention. Their sole purpose is not to cause you sadness and emotional pain.
“Okay. So once I’ve done that, what happens next?”
“Once you’ve looked at each part and determined which parts can be salvaged, we can begin putting your mental headspace back together.”